Right to Own Guns

I personally think every person above the age of 18 who is a law abiding citizen should have and carry a gun if they meet the following criteria:
1) They know they could use it if it was necessary (can they pull the trigger and take a life?)
2) They know that they would not use it in a heated situation where lethal force was not required (aka bar fight or road rage)
3) They can control the gun (not let their kids play with it like fucking idiots)
4) They complete a gun safety and training course
5) They can paint a target at 20 yards

If you are in a location where you CANNOT take a gun, such as a plane (for reasons of blowing out the cabin), you should carry a 5-inch piece of steel concealed if you can follow the above 5 rules again (only a knife training and safety course).

Think how 911 would have gone down if everyone on that plane had a knife and some knowledge of how to use it. Yea, thought so.

Again, before you come down on me, this is for LAW ABIDING CITIZENS. READ: NO EX CONVICTS.

Gocarts for Fat Fucks

I'm sick and tired of going to the grocery store, and instead of the grannie go-carts being used by grandmothers, they're being used by fat lazy fucks who are in their twenties and thirties. You're fat for a reason. Get off your fat lazy ass and MOVE. To top it off, you're NOT HANDICAP. I REPEAT, YOU'RE NOT HANDICAPPED. You're just FUCKING LAZY. Please, please do the world a favor and either a) drop your weight to a level where you can jog for more than 30 seconds, assholes or b) google "make cyanide", make it, and eat it.

God damn lazy no-good bitches.

Government Failure

When the government no longer represents the people, it is a failure. Plain and simple. Ours is "for the people, by the people". When was the last time you saw a law go into play that in any shape or form represented "the people". And don't even try to tell me our new health care bill is anything but a whoring out to the insurance companies. A complete whoring out.

You know how I know? It created no competition for them, but made it much harder for smaller/newer insurance companies get started. Read: NO PUBLIC OPTION.

Fuck Ford

I've got friends who own Ford vehicles. Every, and I mean every single one of them, has something to bitch about with their vehicle. Something "just doesn't work right".

Why, as smart engineers, can we not come together as a country and develop some extremely kick ass cars? My vehicle, German made, is amazing. Good gas mileage, great vehicle, and I'll take my business back to them over and over again.

I will never. Ever. Buy a Ford because they build their components to "expire". Guaranteed maintenance income, guaranteed pissed off customer.

Fuck you American failure, give me a solid car that makes me be proud to be an American. Give me a car that makes the Germans cry. Give me a car that gets 50 MPG, can use electric, gas, solor, any/all of the above, comfortable, built in GPS, voice commands, safe, awesome stereo, and lasts till my grand kids die. This is 2010. Buy American? When I can afford to.

Fat People

Deal with it. It isn't a disease. It isn't a handicap. You being lazy is no reason to receive special privileges. Sure, if you have a thyroid problem, I can respect that. That's a handicap. But even those people hate fat people, because given the chance, those with thyroid problems wouldn't give their bodies a chance in hell to become so overweight they can't move.

Chain smokers and alcoholics are on par with fat fucks, yet fat fucks expect pity. Addiction to smoke, booze and food, is all the same: an addiction to something unhealthy that we all know is unhealthy. You'll get get no sympathy from me, just as an alcoholic and chain smoker won't. Sure, if you need help, you can get it. But if you don't want it, it doesn't do any good to force it on you, and you fat fucks are surrounded by people who are willing to help. Visit a local fucking gym.

Oh, and health insurance, they should be able to discriminate against that shit. If it costs three times as much to perform a surgery because you're so fucking fat it takes hours to cut through layer upon layer of goo in your fat hide, you should pick up 2/3 of the tab. I, as a health care purchaser, should not have to pay extra because Americans are becoming lazy and obese.

Go choke on a donut encased in a pizza shell, you fat lazy fucks.

General Population

I just can't go to the grocery store on Sundays. I don't know what it is, I don't know why, but I swear the fucking nutcases all decide they need food on Sunday. The complete social selfish cocksuckers. Here are the people you will meet on Sunday at the common grocery store:

• Parents who have their child on a leash..long enough for them to run around you and get you entangled in their sticky, dirty, leash that has been chewed on, drooled on, had candy applied to it, and dragged through mud


• Little old ladies who think it is socially acceptable to park their cart diagonal across the lane while they ponder the meaning of their ancient existence or review the label of prune juice


• Children who have no idea who you are, but are completely comfortable punching you, running around your cart, inspecting your carts contents, screaming, and crying


• People who don't realize you're trying to get around them while they chat on their cell phone about how they anally rape themselves in the middle of the night with toothbrushes


• Illiterate or math deficient drones who either can't count to 10 or can't read as they clearly have a cart full of shit in the express lane


• And my favorite, the mass litter breeders who bring their 10 kids ages 1 to 12, none of them parented, and can cause a traffic jam at every corner and yet surprisingly always manage to find a way to the next item on my list before I do

Things That Make Me Laugh

Shit's been busy, give me a break for not posting. Now, on to the list of things that make me laugh:

• Platypus


• Dogma (the movie)


• Dildos


• Children on leashes - clearly, you got on board the fail train in your child rearing efforts


• Midgets


• Religious rights activists arguing porn is bad in the name of women's rights - clearly, men love displaying their sexual prowess and bragging about it, but woe betide the women who do. I just find it funny


• Arguments ending in "for the children" - makes me laugh, right before I write off the arguer as a complete fucking idiot and tell them so to their face or change the channel/webpage/whatever


• LOLCATS


• Howard Stern


• Sarah Palin - not so much for the funny as much as the complete lack of thought


• French people - surrender is always funny


• Abstract art


• Pot


• Seeing a high-school jock as a janitor 10 years later


• Indian software developers (dot, not feather) - oh, their code is fucking funny. On par with Sarah Palin.


• Cops (the show)


• Imaginative suicide plots (ie crazy creative things like taking sleeping pills and crawling into the ceiling above your boss's office so it takes a few weeks before he realizes the stench in his office is your dead carcass caused by his incompetent decisions driving you to such an end)

Subway Kindness

Yup, here's my order. Yup, here's the girlfriend's order.

Oh, going to take the kid's order behind me? Eh, whatever. I see you're the only one working at Subway tonight. Do your little thing.

The guy ordering behind us was dressed like a punk. The fucking nicest punk I've ever met. "Yes." "Please." "Thank you." "Ma'am." Yup, that does it. I'm buying this guy's dinner.

She meets us at the counter.

"Would you like the combo meals?"

"No, I'm good with the sandwich. She wants chips too. Oh, and I want to buy this guy's sandwich. Hey man, that cool? You want the meal combo, or just the sandwich?"

"uh, uh. Oh man, just the sandwich. Thanks!"

"Sure man."

He smiled. I payed. That was that. Dunno if I made his day any better, he might have been worth a lot of money and just dressed like that for style.

But doing it fucking made my day. Random act of kindness... I do that shit for selfish reasons. Makes me feel human.

Rewire the Government

If you were to re-plan our government, how would you do it?

Here are some things I'd do.

First off, money earned in the form of fines or tickets (a la speeding ticket, moving violation, etc) would not go into the coffers of those who collect them. This would prevent fines from getting out of hand and cops from feeling the "need" to issue tickets. Remember, the police are a service of the government to serve and protect. When was the last time you felt they served and protected you? I'm not saying it isn't experienced, as there are a lot of great and good cops out there, but it doesn't feel like a common occurrence anymore. The money would go to charities and charitable services, distributed as the people see fit. The force itself would be provided as a service via taxes, not fines.

Healthcare would be socialistic, but not given to non-citizens. It is the same reason we went to a socialistic highway system; it is cheaper when payed for en mass and spreading the cost around put's everyone at ease in times of financial struggle with health problems on the horizon. This would reduce costs, remove the need for pricey insurance companies and plans, and drugs would not be controlled by megacorps. Throw in tort reform so someone with a screwed up surgery doesn't rape the community for more money than they would have made in 10 lifetimes, and you reduce it even further. Unfortunately, mistakes happen and doctors and nurses are no more perfect than you or me. Their mistakes shouldn't make an individual rich. I'm not saying that someone who dies on an operating table from a stupid mistake shouldn't have repercussions, or someone who gets the wrong eye taken out in a surgery shouldn't be covered financially, but they certainly shouldn't become rich overnight. Instead, take the money for more training and a better reviewing process for practicing doctors and nurses. I for one would like to have our doctors more abundant, better paid, and have it become a desired position again. I have many health service providers in my family, and it seems DRs are under more and more stress, more and more scrutiny, less and less pay, and less and less appreciation.

Law in general would be wiped out and we'd try a different avenue. First off, individual court cases would not set precedent. What this means is, a bad judge can't decide for everyone how to interpret laws and rulings. Right now, a bad judge can make a bad call and that now becomes precedent for everyone. I'm not happy with that at all. I think laws in general would best be created by select teams around the country, written in a non-lawyeristic writing and written in spirit as opposed to explicit lawyer speak. Laws would then be voted by general public with IQ above 100. That means, you have to be intelligent to vote, above average. Now I gather that this could lead toward an elitist set of laws, but I think it would actually be better controlled by intelligent public decision. Laws could be voted on to be re-written, good to go, or no go. A 60% general population vote would enact them. The idea here is to control the amount of law that goes into place, make it readable by your near-average person, and ensure that it makes sense to the population. The laws being written today are ridiculous. How about a health bill that nobody, NOT ONE PERSON, can understand the entire context and/or impact of. That is shameful on the part of our government today, and is outrageous. Doing this method also ensures that there is no more lobbying, no more log-rolling, and no more pork. A reduction in pork of our government would mean huge impact on our overall taxes.

Which leads me to my next point. Taxes in general will be controlled in the location they are gathered for the services provided. Things like defense and health care, which are national services, would be taken from everyone, but I'm talking about preventing someone's tax base from El Paso TX contributing to putting up a new statue in New York, New York. I'm talking about putting an ax to pork for good.

These ideas are just a start, but this is the direction I would take. They're not perfect, but I think they're sure as hell better than what we have today.

Costco Patrick

Fucking glasses, nose piece fell out. When did this happen?! How long have my glasses been crooked from the failure? Now I REALLY look like a dork.

Hello Costco guy. I didn't know you sold glasses at Costco? Eh, I don't really need a new pair, more just a repair. Do you do repairs? Oh, great! Yes, please repair these glasses.
...
Very cool. Thanks, what's the damage? Free you say!? What the fuck, when was the last time I got service and hardware of any sort for free!?

Man, you just earned a lifetime supporter.

....

The next day I was in the store, buying two new pairs of glasses. And I'll be back again, maybe a couple of years, but definitely be back.